Broken and learning

"l, m, n, o, p, q, R, S, T." ".77, .78, .79, .80, .81...$564.81" The last few weeks I have been learning a lot about humility, serving, value, identity and how to say my alphabet and count to 100! The Lord has been so gracious to provide work for me here in PA, but it is far from Residence Life! I have done everything from stuff envelopes, to babysit at the Presidents house, to ringing up textbooks in the bookstore, to filing stacks and stacks of papers in HR, to being the administrative assistant in dining services--where one of my jobs it to count thousands of dollars worth of money each week. The first few days I was just grateful, but quickly I found myself feeling I was above these tasks and I felt myself wanting justify to everyone that I have my Master's degree and that I am only here temporarily so that is why I am doing these jobs and that I am going on the mission field, so, so, so. I've heard the Lord challenging me and asking me why I was finding so much value in what I "do." I realized that I place different value on people based on their work. I realized that I find my own identity and value based in what I am doing and how I am needed. I realized that I have been a bit proud about the fact that I'm going overseas--as if it weren't the Lord's doing at all. I have quickly seen an ugly side of myself.

Next the Lord said to me, "I know you think that you will really be serving me when you get to India, but this is sacrifice and service for me right now. If you are too proud to do these tasks with a humble, gentle spirit, than what makes you think you will have anything to give to me in India?" (I am planning on going to Calcutta to work at Mother Teresa's home for the dying in Jan.) With a humble and broken spirit I come to the Lord to ask him to change me and make me new.

Then, today, I met this precious man from Vietnam. He works in our dishroom--all day, every day. And he's been doing it for 17 years. Prior to that he spent 6 years in prison in Vietnam and prior to that he was a general in the army before communism took over and the war broke out. I was amazed at this mans humility and gratitude. I learned so much from a half hour conversation with this saint.

I knew I would learn, grow, and be challenged while here in PA, but I didn't think it would be so quickly and I for sure didn't think it would be in this way. And I didn't think I would be learning so much about my value, identity, purpose and what it means to be a servant. I pray that the Lord will continue to reform and reshape my mind and my heart in this time of preparation and waiting. Thank you Lord for caring enough to break me in order to better use me.